seeing your friends graduating school and knowing what they are going to do once they leave is hard to watch because here i am with no idea what i plan on doing tomorrow let alone next year..
11 years later and .. I still don’t know what I want to do..
some things i didn’t realize were my ADHD until fairly recently:
(i’m probably combined type btw)
constantly starting new projects and wanting to do loads of things all at once, and then having loads of unfinished ones all over the place because i get tired of them before i can finish them and have another idea that i want to pursue
binge-reading books or whole book series within a few hours/days and not being able to think or do anything else other than that
being suddenly possessed with the urge to clean my entire room every once a month to a few months and not being able to do anything else other than that in that time when i have that urge, and getting incredibly angry and/or anxious when interrupted
being absolutely depressed, anxious, and having SI and/or SH urges/thoughts just because i’m bored, and nothing being able to solve that boredom no matter what i try to do
feeling rejected/unloved/unwanted in a ton of situations because of the way someone worded something
not being able to follow conversations because i keep getting distracted by my trains of thought, and because i can barely understand the person i’m talking to since i can’t hear what they’re saying
forgetting something i was thinking about/told/etc. as soon as i step into a new room/environment
forgetting literally everything, and learning to make lists, checking everything so many times, and thinking again and again about something to make sure that doesn’t happen
always fidgeting in some way, even when not anxious, and needing some sort of stimuli on in the background
my brain racing 90% of the time (the other 10% is when i’m extremely exhausted and my brain is shutting off/has shut off), even when i’m not anxious, and sometimes getting overwhelmed by that
forgetting something from a few seconds ago, and constantly needing to retrace my steps, whether physically or mentally
becoming really attached to someone new incredibly fast, and then feeling nothing (or not as much at least) for them once i’m adjusted to them
and many more things. i might do a part 2 another time, and just keep adding from there. but it’s incredibly astonishing to me that i only recently figured out these things and found answers for it all.
I’m a castoff, an extra bit to be tossed aside and forgotten, thrown away. Dust or ashes, either way, it’ll just be me finally achieving the only thing I can.
HEY! YOU! Yea, you, scrolling through Tumblr for validation and support for your executive dysfunction because you feel powerless: I love you, and I know you’re trying your best <3 Take a moment and breathe. Let your chest unwind for a little bit as you read this post. I love you despite the things you cannot do, and I hope you find people who see your complexities and value you for them instead of putting you down. You deserve empathy and comfort. I know it’s heavy, so thank you for continuing despite how hard it is. I see you.
